Nem's Advice

Never pet a flaming dog

Never piss on an electric fence

Never buy a fur coat from a man who's running from a naked bear

Always wear clean underwear

Don't believe everything you're told, including what you have just been told....err, no wait.....

Don't underestimate the power of cheese

Don't eat yellow snow

Always remember to take all the tags and stickers off your new clothes _before_ you go out to show them off

Never set your own hair on fire, or anyone elses for that matter, I can't stress this one enough

When in jail, never pick up the soap

Don't spit into the wind

When in doubt, eep and run away in a suspicious manner

Never call a cop lucifer, this seems to make then slightly angered

No, that thing in the back of the fidge isn't pea soup, in fact, no knows what it is, nor do they want to.

Strangers offer the best candy

The sun is hot and the ice is slippery

If you don't know what it is, don't eat it

And no, no one wants to look you toe lint

As interesting as the thing that just came out of your nose is, people would appreciate you keeping it to yourself

Never pull the rope with the sign that says 'Don't pull this rope

Never sit in wet paint

Never put frogs in the blender

Don't put hamsters in the microwave unless you plan on cleaning it up

Refrain from becoming the next chainsaw killer

Don't play chicken with anyone crazier then you

Always wear pants when cycling.

Never mix up a nose hair plucker with a toothbrush.

If if hurt to do this, then don't do it.

Never smile or always smile, else people can tell when you're thinking about sex.

Never make fun of a golfers clothes. (After all they spend their weekends praticing swinging clubs!)

If you want to get someone to leave you alone, tell them you are trying to mentally undress them and ask them to stand a certain way.

If they stay after you tell them that, maybe you don't want them to go away after all.....

When sitting on a bus with someone, sit with the weirdest person, that way, less attention will be attracted by you.

Much defies explanation, pay attention to what is done, not said.

Never take advice from some crazy chick on the internet

That of course means you have to ingore the last bit of advice which would lead you into a confusing paradox which is giving me a headache just thing about....